I'm not in love, but I'd love to be, I'd love all that. I'm not sure that I am pushed on the big white dress and cake, not the biggest deal for me. That all seems a bit silly. I'm keener on the speeches, and the dancing. And the promise.
To be fully honest, I think what I'd like the most is the permanency, the solidity of two people promising to continuing to love each other irrespective of the days. And, underneath all that, knowing that the solidity of the promise is backed up by the state and the law.
All of my friends have said that they felt differently when they married the person, even though some did not expect that change. What they thought of as being a permanent and steadfast relationship took on a new dimension when the solemn vow in front of family, friends and the state was made.
It's like the blood and bone and sinew of our state, the law and the constitution, have cemented their love into something that feels unbreakable to them. The idea of it being marriage, instead of a kind of fabricated almost marriage, that idea would make a difference to any of my friends who are lucky enough to be married and that gap must make a difference to gay people.
Those who want the sacrament of marriage can rest assured that it will not be changed. Those who have the sacrament of marriage can rest assured that their marriage will not be changed. The sacrament will be as it always was. And, the institution that is civil marriage will too remain as it always was. It's just that, if it is passed, we won't discriminate against a specific subset of romantic love. We won't tell people that their love is second class, that their love can not sit at the front of the bus. We won't tell people that my hypothetical relationship is good enough for marriage but their very real, tangible love-match is not.
The legal protections and recognition of civil marriage will be available to all people, and the only qualification for civil marriage will be love.
Of course, I would take the point a step further and say that we should vote yes, not because it is within our gift to do so, but because it is the right thing to do. Love is love; equal is equal; marriage is marriage. Any dilutions belie those fundamental truths.
Of course, I would take the point a step further and say that we should vote yes, not because it is within our gift to do so, but because it is the right thing to do. Love is love; equal is equal; marriage is marriage. Any dilutions belie those fundamental truths.
Sniff. Give me a moment. I love weddings and the foreverness of the promise renders me weepy and speechless (ask anyone, I'm a happy mess at weddings).
As a side effect of all this, I find myself thinking of friends who have spent months and years trying to explain their sexuality to family and friends. It makes me sad that coming out has been a problem for them and it has been difficult for many. What makes me happy is the slow sure joy in the last few years of learning that this process of coming out has become easier. The freedom that follows being truthful about who they are has been followed by the joy of acceptance. I kind of think we are shrugging off some of the nosy neighbour judgement old thing that made many people miserable.
Can we pause for a moment to be happy about that progress? It is good for us as humans to let other humans be. It's just so good. Tolerance feels good to the person giving and to the person receiving.
So, the side effect of letting gay people be protected and recognized in the most important relationship they have is pretty important. It is through this marriage equality referendum that we, as a society, as a country, we get to whisper and shout and sing our acceptance of not only their unions, but also of their difference and sameness. It must, surely, change the coming out process for young people to think that the whole country voted and most people said "you're grand, not a bother, it's your own business who you like". It must. It must say to any young person that they are different, in the same way every person is unique and different, and very acceptable and equally at home for all that.
I try to love my family members because we are all different but we are all made of the same stuff (I don't always succeed, it's hard to love them when the slagging over dinner or the stealing of clothes get a bit beyond the acceptable levels). I try to love my country men and women because we are all different but we are all made of the same stuff (I don't always succeed there either, it's hard to love them when someone eggs your car or splashes you when you're at the bus stop).
I think the vote on Friday week is just the enactment of that same family and country love.
Single though I am, I'd be heartbroken if someone said that my love was not good enough to be recognized in the same way everybody else's is. And I'd be gutted to have someone do that to my friends or family. So, as a person who tries to practice tolerance but fails daily, I'll be voting yes in the hopes that this big hug of lovely inclusion that we can give on Friday week might mitigate my other daily failings. I'll be saying yes for another person (for many gay people) to get to say their very emphatic and loving yes. I'll be saying yes for you and your family and your friends too.
I'm not religious but it feels pretty right to me. It feels like my own kind of enlightenment. I'm not in love and I'd love to be, but in the meantime, I'm a bit in love with the country we are growing to be.
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